I just discovered it's closed.

*Cries*

I wanted to buy the British flag tee for Christmas too.

This stinks!!

i feel...: sad

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/chewpencil.shtml

NEWS/ANNOUNCEMENT: Latest comic is called "White Ninja chews a pencil."

i feel...: hungry
im listening to...: britney spears // if you seek amy

i really hate lsu.

ivee been having pretty good weeks, and then i prayed for God to give me a sign whether or not i should stay, and BAM ive had the 2crappiest weeks here ever. i was in a great mood yesterday, then i went to my car and saw that someone freakin hit me the night before....which was on lsu's campus. that lead into my mom flippin on me






i just want to go back to high school :-( life was sooo much easier then

I am fully capable of graduating this semester, except I'm pretty sure I missed the deadline to apply for graduation.
Oops.

I also have NO plans on going away to school for next fall, let alone spring. Therefore, I've signed up for a full load of classes that I don't need. Social Problems, Human Sexuality, Photography, and Ceramics. Hooray! A whole semester of relaxation and wastefulness. Well, kind of. At least I'll be happy and less stressed. And no classes on Fridays. :)

I started to read over my very first journal entries here, and it made me really really really sad. Maybe sad isn't the right word, but... upset. Physically and emotionally. I've changed so much. Sometimes for the better, other times for much worse. Up, down, up, down. Current status is down.

Know what really sucks? When things are great, they are fucking GREAT. You feel like life will be great this way FOREVER! And you can only barely remember being down, because you've come so far. Yes, you've risen above the downness. And somehow, as time goes on, you start slipping, till suddenly you realize that you're down. And you can only vaguely remember when things were great because, man, you don't even know if things were really ever great or if you just had it wrong. You might not have been thinking clearly; those might have been misguided perceptions. You wonder if it's even possible to be truly happy and be purely intelligent at the same time... you don't think it is possible. You know too much. You can't decide if you'd rather know more or just be oblivious and happy like everyone else seems to be. Or maybe they're not oblivious, but somehow they find ways to be happy, and you wonder why the fuck you can't do the same.

I feel like I've lost so much over the past few years. I can't believe things have changed so much. Where are all my friends? Why has it been so long since I've seen or heard from so many of them? The really horrible thing is, something I just realized, is here I sit, dwelling and dwelling and dwelling. And they're out there, living and living and living. Moving on with their lives while I just can't get over it. Yeah, I guess I do need other people to love me before I can feel good about myself. Of course I know that my friends love me, of course I know that. But it really, really hurts to know that people who I love a lot don't think of me anymore. And it's just like the shit I was talking about before: I wonder if they ever really cared, or if that was just a misguided perception. Or maybe they did care, but later realized that they shouldn't have. That I was nothing special or something. There are much cooler people where they are now.

God.

In my pity me entry, some anonymous person left a comment saying that I might be depressed. And I should go to a doctor if it's been like this for over three months. (You can't see it, it's still screened.) That freaked me out. First of all, who was that? A friend? Apparently not, though I don't know. One of my teachers? I had a link to this on facebook, until that happened. It's not there now. I don't even want people to read this right now, these crazy rantings. Who the hell was that? I feel like I'll never know and I just don't like that. Second, how the hell am I supposed to know how long this has been going on? I can't tell where it began, or how it got worse. I know the jist of it; during high school, things were great. After high school, life faded until it became almost meaningless, like now. Tada. I care about Brett, and a few classes, and my very best friends. And my nephew. End scene. Not much to live for at present.
Am I depressed? I don't know. I don't think so; I don't want to be. I'm definitely unhappy. But depressed? I don't know. I just don't know.
I'm angry at my teachers, especially my favorite one, for not noticing that I'm a blob. I'm angry at my parents for not caring. They know I'm unmotivated, they know I don't do anything but sleep and go to work and waste away on the computer. Why don't they say anything? Why doesn't Brett try to talk to me about what's wrong? Actually, I don't think he notices, because it's been so gradual. So I've been telling him things, and he gets that I'm unhappy, but I don't think he gets the enormity of it, because he's wrapped in it, too. That's hard to explain. See, it's all hard to explain. I want to go talk to someone; I think I need a therapist. But why fucking bother? To have to explain everything, all of the past and the way I think about things and the ways I've changed, it's so much work for a complete stranger who probably still won't understand in the end anyway. I can't imagine how anyone can seriously understand the ways I think and why things make me sad. It's just not worth it.

I don't know what to do about this stupid friendship; I don't want to let it go because you know what? That would just fucking suck. But I don't understand why I'm best friends with someone who's the opposite of me anyway. There are a few parallels, a lot of them are probably hidden, but they're there, and I just don't know what's worth the effort and what isn't. If I have to constantly strive to keep my mouth shut, while she does what she wants without a second thought, is it really worth it? 

"Hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

No, I don't hate you. But it is a good analogy. I just want to fucking let go of everything. A lot of times I feel so close to a breaking point. I just want to give up on everything; why do we have to have jobs or go to school or any of this crap? Why can't I just relax and enjoy time with the people I love for the rest of my life? I don't want to be trapped in all of this bullshit.

I'm not even the only unhappy person. There are so many unhappy people, and they're probably unhappy for most of the same reasons as me. That doesn't make me feel better, that makes me feel sad for the world.

I have this feeling that I won't be able to do the great things I once resolved to do. I feel like I'm going to get stuck, and it'll be my own fault, and I'll waste my life feeling sorry for myself.

See? I'm down. There's no end in sight.

I really really really hope that I can get back up and never so much as glance down again.
I think if I could get back up, I could stay there. Now that I know what it is to lose that feeling.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/footballgame.shtml

NEWS/ANNOUNCEMENT: New comic is titled "White Ninja drives his boy to a football game."

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/mythical.shtml

NEWS/ANNOUNCEMENT: Christmas is coming soon! And what better present than some amazing and hilarious White Ninja and CASAsuperNOVA shirts? We currently have WARBEAR and CIRCLE OF LIFE hoodies avaiable. Send this link to all of your friends and family. Your Christmas list will be complete.
Latest comic is called "White Ninja is a mythical creature."

Tags: pictures
i feel...: nostalgic
im listening to...: britney spears // out from under

This week on an all new episode of south park is going to be about the book twilight or the movie that is coming out 2 days after this episode. I kinda new knew they were going to do something on twilight since it's so popular. If you don't what twilight is go to Stephenie Meyer. www.stepheniemeyer.com

Current Location: My Room
i feel...: contemplative
im listening to...: Wham~Last Christmas

This isn't toward any in specific.

I feel like I've grown up a lot this summer. I've learned how to handle different situations. I've seen things that I wish I didn't have to. I used to hold grudges. I'd forgive but never forget. There are some situations I will never forget but I'm learning to get past them.

I've made some mistakes, and I've owned up to those mistakes. I've apologized to who I needed to and I like to think that I've made amends.

You don't have to like me, you don't have to love me, you don't have to respect me, you don't have to wish me well, you don't have to care. But I will always do that for you. No matter what happens, I'll always do right, whether you reciprocate those feelings is completely up to you. I'll always turn the other cheek. Its not worth anyone's time to stay angry or stay hateful. Those feelings usually just make matters worse, at least that's always been the case for me. I've found that its just so much easier and makes for a better life to just love.

I hope people can find it in their hearts to get past the past and get over the mistakes that we've all made. If they can't do that then I accept that. I'll always continue to love and I'll always be here for you.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/

NEWS/ANNOUNCEMENT: Christmas is coming soon! And what better present than some amazing and hilarious White Ninja and CASAsuperNOVA shirts? We currently have WARBEAR and CIRCLE OF LIFE hoodies avaiable. Send this link to all of your friends and family. Your Christmas list will be complete. http://www.casasupernova.com
Cracked.com has put up another White Ninja comic this week. It's called "White Ninja tries to pee his pants."

I really wish that I weren't thinking about this bullshit right now because I have two final papers to write before tonight's festivities (I turn 20!) but I am. So here it is. All of it.

God I don't even know how to start. All I know is that I've never felt this way about another human being before. It isn't love, it isn't obsession, it is anger or happiness. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS. All I know is that I've hooked up with a couple guys and had a couple one night stands, but none of them even compare to the satisfaction I feel when I'm with you. And I haven't been near you in three months. And I can't stop fucking thinking about this stupid way that I feel because I don't know what it is. And it's driving me crazy. You're driving me crazy. And not even in a bad way. The only reason I'm ever overly emotional or upset about the way that I feel is because I know that it upsets you, irritates you, and makes you want to crush me because God knows, that would be so much easier. And I don't even understand why I give a shit, because I know that you only used me for sex, and I used you for sex, and I never felt that our sex was meaningful in any way. It's not because you were my first. I didn't think anything about our friendship/relationship/whatever the fuck was meaningful at all. But you were satisfying. More satisfying than any of my closest friends have ever been. And that's the only way I know how to describe this. Of course I liked talking to you, but this doesn't even have anything to do with it. Have I stopped making sense? I think I have. I can only imagine the way that you feel about me, even though I've never been in that type of situation before. I can imagine your frustration and your anger and I'm sorry. I can't help it. I know that "it was fun but it's time to move on now." I just don't think it's a matter of "getting over you" because I was never in love with you to begin with. I don't understand the way that I feel about you, because if I did, it would be so much easier to stop thinking about you.

You're rarely ever going to hear me rant about politics on here. I think arguing about politics on the internet is just plain stupid. Still, I feel like I should at least let all of you know--in a fair, balanced fashion--how I feel about the election.

.

First, I'll go ahead and say that I'm not very politically educated, and even as I am a registered voter, I'm registered non-partisan.

Now, I want to say something about Obama.

I think he's a really, really smart guy. He has a lot of charisma, and he knows how to speak well. He looks and sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, and seems like he knows what's going on.

That's how he looks to me. As far as anything certain, I have no clue, whatsoever. And I seriously doubt anyone else does.

About fifteen or twenty people I know that voted for Obama, I asked them why, just out of curiosity. Most answered with something like, "Oh, he's just got this aura about him, man. I have this vibe that makes me think he's what this country needs."

Others answered with, "I voted for him because the republicans have been screwing everything up, and I hate republicans," or something like, "I voted for Obama because he's going to save our country, I just know it."

When I asked them what they thought about his policies, I got a lot of mixed answers. As it turned out, after a few more questions, less than five of them even knew what any of his policies were, and the ones that did know, only mentioned the one or two they were concerned about. Almost all of them honestly just voted for him because they looked at and listened to the guy, and liked his presentational value.

So, as far as being the "holy savior" of the USA and all this other shit that everyone's bouncing off the walls about, I'm not so sure about that, but I'm not going to say that I think he's going to destroy the world. I don't know what he's going to do. How many people out there really do?

Yeah, I'll admit that Bush has screwed up a lot of stuff, but in a way, I'm going to be happy when he gets out of office, because I am so sick and tired of everyone around me blaming all of their problems on the guy. Gas prices go up, and it's Bush's fault. Someone gets taxed a few extra dollars on their McDonalds paycheck, and it's because of Adolph Bush and his band of ruthless republicans. Even as the right really has screwed up a lot of stuff here recently, thus giving up all of the house and senate majorities to the left, I still get sick listening to everyone blaming all of their problems on the president, as if he's the only person in our government right now with power to make decisions.

Does anyone remember the system of checks and balances we have? I never hear anyone bitching about congress, or the senate, or anyone other than Bush, whenever they hear about a bill that's been passed into law that they don't like.

Anyway, I have one more thing to say, and this goes out to anyone that likes guns, owns guns, or has any interest in purchasing guns in the near future:

You'd better do it fast.



H.R. 6257: Assault Weapons Ban Reauthorization Act of 2008


If you remember reading about HR1022, here's something very similar, and as the government now sits with an entirely democratic majority, chances are that HR6257 is going to be passed into effect really soon.

I've already bought all of the assault rifles and high-capacity magazines that I can afford, and the more I look on the internet at websites like Cheaper Than Dirt, the less and less of these particular items they have in stock. Everyone else knows it's coming, so I figured I should let as many other people know about it, as well.

Good luck! :D